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My Loss of a Pet – Punkie

April 26, 2015

100_1169This is new for me since I don’t usually open up like this. These are a couple journal entries regarding my special girl, Punkie, an amazing orange tabby, who left me in October 2008. I post this for everyone who has lost their best furry friend. I hope it helps to know you aren’t alone.

12/15/08

She never complained when I chatted endlessly about nothing.  She listened as if I was telling her the secrets of the world.

She never got upset at me if I was sad or crying.  Instead she always tried to comfort me.  I will never forget the day she put her paw on my arm when she decided that I had cried long enough.  That soothed me and helped me to relax and fall asleep.

She loved to be picked up and cuddled in my arms to peak out a window or get a boost up to a higher spot that her older legs just wouldn’t attempt.

When I was happy, she let me twirl around in circles with her in my arms tolerating my silliness and excitement.

She smiled when she saw me, and she always smelled like the warm breezes of summer.

Her nickname was “up my butt” because that was where she invariably was.  In the office, if I wouldn’t let her on my lap, I had to sit on the front edge of the chair so she could lay behind me.  Anything else was too far away.

100_1167

How do you go on without a companion like that???  Can anyone tell me how to not miss that kind of love?  My boys are great, but although they love me absolutely, their needs usually come first.  With Punkie, my needs were the most important.  How did I ever deserve to be so blessed by that love for so many years?  God was abundantly gracious to me the day he led her into my life.  I hope I made her half as happy as she made me.  I wish I could have been as wonderful to her as she was to me.  I never did learn to be so giving.

When I was concerned, thinking, scared, determined, she was always there as my furry half.  My heart is broken in ways I cannot express to anyone.  I want her back with all of my heart.  I know she is in a better place, but my selfish side wants her here with me. 

During Christmas she was always my buddy.  She would lay with me on the chair, and we would watch holiday specials on TV together (as long as the volume wasn’t too loud) or we stared at the decorated tree and enjoyed each other’s company.  Seeing her stocking and knowing she isn’t here anymore breaks my heart.

How do you go on without the “person” who was better to you than you were to yourself?

This summer how will I sit on “our” lounge chair on the back porch without her warm, soft, furry little body?  I think it is time for the lounge chair to go to someone else.  It won’t be the same without her.

9/24/09100_1168

I still miss my little girl.  It has almost been a year.  I was right about the lounge chair.  It isn’t the same at all without her.  I don’t sit in it.  No reason to.  She was my favorite part about sitting on the porch.  I still don’t want to be without her.  I can still hear her purrs and meows and brrrs.  She would prance when I would come home because she was so excited to see me.  No one else does that.  Lucky is making a good run at it, though.  He follows me everywhere for the first 24-48 hours when I get home.  He would be a better match for me if he didn’t give love bites.  I can tell he loves me.  I want my cuddlebug, though.  I loved walking around with her in my arms.  Neither of my boys will let me do that.  Punkie was pushy, but it was always to get love from me.  With the boys,   they are pushy because they want fed.  It’s not the same.  I still have a large hole in my heart, but now there is a little warmth instead of endless pain.  I guess that is what we call progress.  No one will ever compare to her, so I just have to appreciate everyone for who they are.

2 comments on “My Loss of a Pet – Punkie

  1. Dash Kitten says:

    Ohhh man * tears * what a One-In-A-Million girl. How lucky you are to have had her stay with you. Just like when we lost Dash Kitten.

    1. Raylene Hoover says:

      Thank you Dash Kitten. I know you understand.

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