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From the Dog to God – A Tuesday Tickle

July 21, 2015

Dear God help me remember the list of things I must remember to be a good dog:

dog

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty. 

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 

5. The sofa is not a 'face towel.' Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. 

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. 

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 

10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello". 

11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after. 

13. I will not throw up in the car. 

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company. 

16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

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