Symptoms: The cat spreads to take up all available free bed space at night. It then expands a bit more until any humans occupy the smallest possible area of bed. It may do this on top of or underneath the covers or on the pillow. It is highly contagious – any other cats on the bed will also develop symptoms of bed-hogging.
Treatment: The most obvious solution is to evict the cat from the bed. If this is morally unfeasible, train yourself not to give way as the cat expands. Buying a bigger bed is pointless since most affected cats can easily expand to fill standard, queen and king-sized beds. Otherwise, simply train yourself to sleep while hanging precariously off the side of the bed. Attacks of bed hogging have been known to last up to 23 hours (in one case a 3-day attack was noted by a cat owner who was confined to bed with the flue; the cat thoughtfully kept her company during this time.)
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Come back each Tuesday for another Tickle.